Life doesn't come with an instruction manual. But if it did, and if that manual was cobbled together in five minutes by a drunken idiot-genius, then it might look something like these crowd-sourced tips and ill-thought-out ideas. Covering everything from how best to turn your cat into a fearsome stegosaurus to pre-empting jellyfish stings, this book presents the wealth of knowledge gleaned from the dusty vaults of twitter's hugely popular @TwopTwips. From the profane to the ridiculous, these laugh-at-loud nuggets of advice, with absurd and informative illustrations, will change your life in a hugely insignificant way. Tips include: BORED of a friend's text messages? Reply with 'unsubscribe' and they'll get the hint; SPICE up a boring salad by replacing the vegetables with bacon and placing between two slices of bread; STOP your dog from pulling on its lead by walking a bit faster; PREPARE your children for office life by acting awkwardly around them in the kitchen; and, AVOID the hassle and expense of hair straighteners by not eating your crusts.